11 Valentine's Day Cards:
Or, “Romantic Messages for that 'Special' Someone”
Or, “Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like a Restraining Order”
by F. J.
Prologue: Surprises
Surprise surprise!
It's Valentine's Day!
/
Good thing you've got
your pepper spray.
1: Alive
Bill Cosby is black,
and this taxi is yellow
/
You make me quiver
like horse-ghosts in Jell-O.
2: The Atomic Woman
Brave men raised the flag
over old Iwo Jima.
/
Girl, you da bomb,
that flattened Hiroshima.
3: Early Grey, Stalker.
Badminton's weird,
but tea is delicious.
/
I see you in the bushes,
doing something suspicious.
4: Sapiosexual.
Bullets are lead,
and that glow is uranium.
/
Your brain is so fine
I want my dick in your cranium.
5: Cards for all occasions, eschatons included.
How fragile are we
in this sprawling metropolis.
/
I'll have your back
in the zombie apocalypse.
6: Hedonism
The train, it has left,
and the pie, it is baked.
/
I know this doesn't rhyme,
but let's all get naked.
7: Paging Doctor Blood Fetish
Septicemia's tragic,
and Swine Flu's upsetting.
/
Won't you come back to my place
for some old-time bloodletting?
8: Cleanse Your Soul.
Blasphemy is a sin,
and Babel was a tower.
/
I want to know you,
biblically, in the shower.
9: The Importance of Language
I wasn't mugged or hit by a car,
despite what you probably heard.
/
It's just that I forgot
the safeword.
10: The Classic.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
/
Close your eyes and bend over,
Let's try something new!